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arnejan
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Name: Arne
Country: Spain
Birthday: 1/26/1940
Gender: Male
Interests: web, photography, languages, philosophy, psychology, reading, writing, sports, music, movies, culture, economics.
Occupation: Retired
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/13/2003
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| At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.
When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"
"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it." | | |
| A man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the same question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her, he said, "What's for dinner, honey?"
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Still no answer.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
"FOR THE FOURTH TIME, I SAID CHICKEN, You'd better get your hearing checked!" | | |
| God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled,
"There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."
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| This one happened few years ago in Switzerland: A man went to a photoshop, had pictures taken, and - while the photographer developed the pictures - he took off with the cash register.
Leaving behind, of course, the pictures of himself. | | |
| Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answers Juan.
The guard says,"We'll just see about that get off the bike."
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed,only to discover that there is nothing in the bags.
The guard releases Juan,puts the sand into new bags,hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep.Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
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